

PEREL: So why does good sex so often fade even for couples who continue to love each other as much as ever? And why does good intimacy not guarantee good sex contrary to popular belief? Or the next question would be, can we want what we already have? That's the million dollar question, right? And why is the forbidden so erotic? What is it about transgression that makes desire so potent? And why does sex make babies, and babies spell erotic disaster in couples? RAZ: And those questions, they're at the heart of what Esther Perel's been studying for 30 years, questions she explores on the TED stage. And so then the next question is, so can desire be sustained in the long haul? Can you reconcile the domestic and the erotic in one relationship? Can you reconcile intimacy and sexuality with the same person for the long haul? PEREL: Well, the first reaction is usually to the title, "Mating in Captivity." Some people know exactly what I mean, and they understand immediately that we don't necessarily like to mate in captivity. RAZ: When people meet you and you say I'm Esther Perel, I wrote this book, you might have heard of it, "Mating in Captivity," what's the - like, the most common question you get from people?


I'm a couples therapist, and I'm the author of the book "Mating in Captivity" as well as a sex therapist. RAZ: Oh, can you introduce yourself, please?

That's part of why it's so grand is because it leaves any part of us - it doesn't leave any part of us untouched. It's an experience that is mental, emotional, physical, sensual, sensory. Do you think that love is, like, a construct, or do you think it's a fact?ĮSTHER PEREL: It's an experience.
